ONE GOES UP. THE OTHER'S GOING DOWN.
United 1 - Middlesbrough 0



Last night United inched three points closer to the top after toying with 'boro for over an hour. Then they turned on the juice. At least Berbatov did. Once again he was at the right place to tap in a beauty as 'boro secured its spot near the drop zone.

The match got a little chippy, and cruelly frustrating as United hit everything but the back of the net for over an hour. But Berbatov is confident the Reds are right in the hunt for the title.

“We are there, we are right there,” he added. “We can win it and we have two games in hand. When we win them it will be good for us, but in the end I think it’s in our hands.

“Personally I have plenty more to show. But I’ll keep working and with the help of the guys I think we can do a lot."

Mad Ron vs Mad Pog
Cristiano Ronaldo had a head-to-head clash with Emanuel Pogatetz, which led to a tunnel bust up according to the Royal Rags. Ronny's not used to being choked to the ground during a routine dive. For his trouble, Pog walked away without a booking or warning. But Ronaldo wouldn't let it go and gave as good as he got in the second. A shin kick here. A hip bump there. No biggie, but quality payback.

Now it's onto the FA/Carling cup ties — Southampton & Derby County respectively. Yawn. Then the big one: Chelsea at OT. Mouthwatering. Vengeful. Hopeful. And without a doubt, doable.

Liverpool: enjoy your time at the top. Just don't buy any green bananas.

NIL BY MOUTH

UNITED 0 'SPURS 0
Boring boring boring. Another tie when a win was likely. Last weekend's ugly cup was played at the soon to be raised White Hart Lane. So dismal was this affair I won't bother with details.


I'M JUST MOANING
Why? Because all the top sides, save for the newly inducted contenders/pretenders Villa, tied. OK at least United did it away, and at a hostile environment. But Chelsea once again dropped points at the Bridge. Shameful yet predictable.

The following day the squad left for Japan. The club of the club cup or some nonsense. More silverware for the trophy case. But do they really want it?

Reports say the mood at the team hotel in Yokohama remains buoyant despite the dismal weather. Whatevs. Grab your silverware and make a B-line for Stoke away. This is one side that unnerves even the toughest opponents.

United has faced tougher competition, almost weekly. Stoke, not so much.

UNITED 1 SUNDERLAND 0
Vidic's late goal ignites United

This was supposed to be an easy one. Sunderland at OT without Keeno (hopeless, right?). To their credit Sunderland hung with United 0-0 into added time. Already feeling gutted. But then the impossible - a last minute miracle from Vidic. Right place, right time, right on target. In just his third season it's hard to imagine the Reds without him. He's vital on so many levels. A total team player.

This is the type of match champions win. With any luck, they'll continue down this path. In the short term, they next face a up/down Spurs side without the support of Evs & Rooney (penalty sit outs). Wigan, Stoke and Middllesbrough follow. I see W's. But as witnessed, anything is possible without total focus.

Speaking of which, Ronny looked hot & cold Saturday and left the match with bruised ribs. But that didn't stop him from flying to Paris Sunday to collect the Ballon d'Or. One thing is certain, his ego's never to fragile to pick up silverware, a Leeds las, or a bag of loot.

Ever get the feeling United's about to hit their stride? Sure, the big four are playing well, but no side has dominated - including United. I think that's about to change.

HURRY UP
United 5 Stoke 0

All the usual suspects contributed to United's drubbing of Stoke. Ronaldo. Carrick. Berbatov. Wellbeck. WELLBECK? Fine. He was fab. But then he wouldn't have been on the pitch without pedigree. That's just not United.

Unfortunately Liverpool and Chelski also gained ground. But the team who's name we shall not speak were embarrassed in North London by Villa. Go Villa. That is until next weekend when United face them.

Sir Alex has fixture cluster on the cranium.

Me, I'm not worried about United. It's Liverpool that's on my mind.

THE TEAM WHO'S NAME WE SHALL NOT SPEAK

I just took a tasty vacation to France & the U.K. Naturally O.T. was the main course, but I also got to taste Paris Saint-Germain's mashing of Marseille 4-2 in a thrilling French league match. Who knew the best (and only) derby in Paris is PSG/Marseille? Regardless, the Parisians showed passion and enthusiasm in their refined manner. Thuggery is left to the traveling support, which is massive and dodgy.

Now back to the main. I've been to O.T. a few times and often have to remind myself of the Golden Rule: pretend you're a local. The United townies have a bit of a grudge against the influx of Americans, Asians, and so on buying up every available match ticket and snapping pics of the pitch from the 3rd tier. Guess I can't blame them.

The fact is a United tickets are just too expensive for most Mancunians, so the few times a year they get to attend a match they don't want to be surrounded by the clueless. My advice: don't ask questions. Don't go alone. Don't look overwhelmed. Follow these simple laws and you'll enjoy a day or night out at the Theatre of Dreams. Oh, and learn the chants beforehand. They're all online.

Blah blah blah. United have kept true to form of late. Nail biters. Wins. Ties. Brilliant offense. Questionable defense. But mouth-watering football is always served fresh to the starving masses.


The same can't be said for the team from the red side of North London. Other than the Champions League, they've been roughed up by their opponents and press to the point of whispers of Arsène's sacking. Right. He'll go when he's good and ready.

Wayne Rooney aims to fire United to a first win at the Emirates on Saturday.

I'm of the same mind as the great Scott Darren Fletcher. The Gunner's are always a threat, particularly against Spurs and United. I expect a hard fought match with a double scoop of bookings in every flavor. But ultimately, United will have the Gooners for lunch.

¡CAMPIONES CAMPIONES, OLE OLE OLE!

It started on a high. Flattened. Sunk. Then soared.

It was just what you'd expect from a United/Chelski clash. But this time the Gods showed United mercy. In all fairness Chelsea played a hard fought match, dominating the second half with as many shots on goal as to the body. Cards flew like confetti.

There was kicking, spitting, head butts, bitchery, and finally face slapping. It was Dynasty in cleats.

Both teams were spent, as were both sets of supporters, before the unthinkable but completely believable happened a: penalty shootout in a deluge.


The match within the match took everyone for a ride (inducing mass motion sickness). Ronaldo was the first to blame. Then Terry. Then Anelka. Then back to Terry. Then all of London. And ultimately Jose Mourinho. Just because it feels so good.


In the end the Reds won fair and square. Sir Alex Ferguson hailed Edwin
van der Sar's penalty shoot-out heroics as "no accident" after the Manchester United goalkeeper clinched the Champions League trophy with his stop from Chelsea's Nicolas Anelka.

All in all, not a bad season.

THE RED ARMY RETURNS

OK, before I rant about United's upcoming victory in Moscow, i should preface it with an overdue shout out to United's Premiership victory, and those of us celebrating it worldwide.

Once again I was banished to the Polish Social Club because Nevada Smiths was packed to the rafters (why do they allow Chelsea supporters entry)? Regardless, the atmosphere was brilliant, hardly a Chelsea supporter in sight, and the boys were in fine voice. After the victory we all headed up 3rd Ave to Nevada's. That's when the party was in full swing.

The best thing about watching an British cup victory in NY is walking up 3rd Ave after. It's as if you're in Manchester, London, or wherever your club calls home. High fives. Low fives. Chelsea and United fans patting each on the back (instead of stabbing). You wouldn't see this anywhere else. Nope. Only in New York.

Back to Moscow. The only thing that could stop United from beating Chelsea is a few billion rubles, or another words Roman Abromovich. Sadly, it's how things are done in Russia. And in Chelsea.

Guess we'll see when the Red Army goes marching on.

SING WHEN YOU'RE WINNING

Brilliant night. Once that United needed badly after suffering a loss and 2 ties. I needed it as well. Hopes were dim, but I still had 'em. I watched every second with intensity. But it was the home support that really gave me chills. That and Scholesy whipping the crowd into an unbridled frenzy.

I cherish visiting OT. Singing. Swilling. Savoring the moment. But I'd trade it for that one incredible night the lucky few can proudly say they witnessed. Against Barca. All together. All for one. Viewed all over the world.


There are few moments I doubt will top April 29, 2008. I just hope I'm standing proudly in the Strettford end when they arrive. And they will. Believe.

Barcaloney

Tevez's diving header sets table for tasty semi


How good are United? Good enough to beat Roma 3-0 on aggregate — with their second team. To be fair they didn't lineup their reserves, but they did field a very conservative, defensive side. Even so, Tevez’s 70th-minute strike confirmed their place in the last four where they will face Frank Rijkaard's Spanish dancers.

Warming the bench were Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo and Paul Scholes. That's a pricey seat, but we'll need the lads healthy and angry to properly demolish Arsenal this Sunday.

Giggsy got his 100th Champions League cap, while Rio limped off after preventing an area disaster, 3 stitches to the foot his reward.

The other semi sees our old friends Chelsea squaring off against the Scousers. Pa-leeeese. If this turns into another Ambien moment we'll know who to blame: Jose Mourinho - for not being there!

The dream: United/Liverpool. The nightmare: the Champions League folds because the Chelsea/Liverpool match gives off brain-numbing gamma rays that eventually destroy the earth.

But United still wins Europe.

Arrivederci, fashionistas!

United kicked fascist ass in Rome this week. They headed mid-boot to pillage and conquer, and did so without breaking a sweat. First came a brilliant header from Ronaldo in the 39th, then a "look Ma, no defense" by Rooney in the 66th.

Semis anyone?
Roma may be the only team in Europe that cringes at the sight of Sir Alex Ferguson's men debarking a bus. They're just too familiar with one another. And they both know United has Roma's number. Sure the loss of Nemanja Vidić to a first-half knee injury hurts. But no more then a Francesco Totti-less Ultra side. But even with his replacement Mirko Vučinić working hard to fill the gap, they came up short. And this time without bloodshed.

The 2-0 win at the Stadio Olimpico made a big time statement to all comers, which is: We are ranked #1 in the world for three reasons:
#1: Ronaldo
#2: We will beat you at your own game
#3: Ronaldo

Given the family feud between these two sides, only a fool would bet against United securing a semi-final berth when the teams meet again next Wednesday at OT. But don't count out the Italian football spell.

The Serie-Assly slow Italian game.
I know Italians can play ball. After all, they're world champions. But I just can't bring myself to sitting through an entire Serie A match. It moves like molasses (until one side's defense crumbles, or someone faints) and there's no crowd in sight (or earshot). Only riot police and reports of pre and post-match hooliganism. Don't forget United supporters are all sober, well-behaved gentlemen & ladies.

Now I know why Zizou head butted his way out of the world cup. The Italians bored him into abject violence. I was actually surprised the entire Italian side didn't fall down in pain when it happened. Qualunque!

Fashion tip: In - United red. Out - riot gear (it's so last year).

Who's Unsatisfied?

Terrific result over the weekend. United played Liverpool smart, adding pressure in the midfield and attacking when they got their chance. I was more than satisfied with total domination and three points, but not Sir Alex.

Guess I need to retract my predictions about the Chelsea/Arsenal match. It wasn't boring. And it didn't end in a tie. In fact, it was one of the better fixtures of the year. But the real test of will was the Chelsea faithful v Avram Grant.

The louts were ready to dig a whole for Grant "you don't know what you're doing" they sang. That is until Drogba scored his second, and winning goal. Not good for United, but I'm sure very satisfying for the not so special one. Of course, Wegner was livid.

Next up: Villa. Not a push over. United has enjoyed plenty of success over them in the past, but they've only gotten better throughout the season. Despite Sunderland giving them a public tea bagging last weekend.

We'll see if the Villains can bounce back at Old Trafford. I somehow doubt it.

We'll Always Score At Home

Trembling in your boots over tomorrow's Scouser Bowl? Me, no so much. Sure Liverpool's in good form, particularly Torres. But it's not like they're the #1 ranked club in the world or anything. Who is? United.

Anderson, United's brilliant 19-year old midfielder isn't worried. In fact he relishes another clash. Although he was impressed with the enormity and intensity of the first Liverpool rivalry he experienced.

"The atmosphere amongst the supporters and the determination both sides had to win the game at Anfield was unbelievable. It’s difficult to describe the emotion that I experienced in that match – it was amazing. And I’m sure it’ll be the same on Sunday" — United Review.

How Many Tomorrow, Ronny?
This should be good. Ronny's on fire. Liverpool's doing the can-can lineup number. The blue and red teams, whose names we shall not speak, face off for a (prediction here) nil-nil tie. Or at least some form of tie. Neither want it like United.

But it just wouldn't be a true Red V Red without a little drama. Case in point: Sir Alex is using 'clever' remarks to sway the refs, argues Rafael BenÍtez. Sure Rafa, what HE says is law. I just wish the squad was at full strength for the match. Rio (out) van der Sar (iffy) Sahah & Giggsy (not likely)

At full time, will it really matter? After all, we always score at home.

Walk On

The starting whistle has yet to blow at Old Trafford at the time of this post. But I can't see United losing to the down-bound Lancashire louts. The thought of it is just too tragic, especially with serious fixtures looming over the scouser horizon.

The Red Devils can go three points clear at the top of the table with a victory tonight. Says Fergie: "Bolton have got Kevin Davies up front - and he'll do everything he possibly can to unsettle us." I'm sure Sir Alex vividly remembers last November when the Trotter's Nicolas Anelka (where'd he go again?) scored the only goal of the match.

United 2 Bolton 0. Let the whistle blow.
A Lancashire Hotpot, that's what it used to be called. Perhaps it still is (a Hotpot that is: an unpredictable mishmash of nasty, undefined gristly bits). Whatever it is, I just don't want to rewrite this tomorrow. So I'll stick with my prediction. Because I was right!

Misery Hates Company

We never again want to hear that United gets the calls at home (OK, sometimes it's true). Attack attack attack. That's what the MANCS did into the second half of Saturday's FA debacle. Total domination. But not one shot hit its target, and there were many. Then the shite hit the Stretford End.

A foul on Milan Baros saw Tomasz Kuszczak sent off with a straight red. Apparently grabbing Baros' ankle in the area is against football laws, although a sending off seemed harsh. A yellow and free kick would have sufficed. It was truly an ugly chain of events.

No treble for anyone.
This week's team whose name we shall not speak is the Russian cortelski from West London, no not QPR. The one supposedly managed by Abrahm Gant: (he's old, he's glum, he's not the special one). So no treble for their lot, for the red team whose name we shall not speak, and sadly not for our beloved United. But there's always the Prem and the Champions League. Fingers crossed.

Go Barnsley!

Champions & Villains

Have I mentioned I hate Arsenal lately? This shouldn't be my raison d’être, but it's just been one of those weeks. First there was the Villa game. All was peachy. Villa was ahead in added time. It was a real craicker. Villa support were singing inappropriate songs:

"What's that sticking out of his sock, is it his ankle, is it his ankle
Eduardo Wwooooo
he had some silky skills,
now he walks like Heather Mills wwooooo wwooooo"

Arsene Wegner was outraged! Then came the equalizer and I was outraged. Then the Villa supporter's were outraged, and largely booted from the Emirate's. Naturally scuffles ensued (read riots). Whatever, it's still 2 points to United.

Then came AC Milan (yes, I'm still on Arsenal's ass). All right, I'll give them props for beating the Serie Ahhh ex-giants away at the San Zero. But their victory totally overshadowed United's slow, painfully dull death grip around Olympique Mayonnaise's neck. A grip that lasted eons before the body was embalmed and flown back to France.

Lyon predicted United couldn't defend. Que sera sera. So United's still playing the big room, as are Arsenal — which I shall now refer to as "the team whose name we shall not speak".

Did I mention I hate the team whose name we shall not speak?

It's On

Three points from the top with 11 matches remaining is perfect for this United supporter. Sure it's great to sail through the entire season with a 9 point lead, but it doesn't make for high drama. Actually March doesn't
exactly begin with a bang (away to down-bound Fullham), but if the result is 3 points, we'll gladly take it.


Sir Alex still thinks Chelsea has a chance (he's alone).

Saha's pissed at his own glass legs, head, hands, and groin.

While our favorite frog-mage, Mdmsl. Arsene Wenger is worried about Arsenal's title race without Eduardo striking fear in defender's cleats. Love the injured, hate the injury.

In literary news, Wayne Rooney's autobiography "My Life" is now available in paperback. Not sure about the content, but we're confident it's very well punctuated. We'd love to read what Wayne has to write, because we don't understand a word he says. Perhaps a film is in the works. Maybe not.

Note to Fox Soccer Channel: why are there no United telecasts in March? Didn't you build your station on the backs of these champs? No one's tuning in to watch Derby, 'boro, or worse yet, Sear-ri-ah (we're sure crowds attend these matches, think riot squad, we just can't see or hear them). Send FSC programmers a shout at the bottom of their TV page.

No Trouble with Treble

Good week in Unitedville. Publicly humiliating Arsenal was the right tonic to purge the previous week's horrors and kick United into high gear for the knockout round of the Champions League.

Two special competitions in one week. As for Europe, you can't begin without mentioning Ryan Giggs, superstar-centenarian. He's in good company, being one of only eight players to have reached the century mark in Europe’s top club competition. And he went about it with the same intensity and confidence that's put him on the world football map. That and his "I will eat your young" eyes.

The game itself saw Lyon quick off the ball and United's defense shaky at best. Although van der Sar made some nice saves, the midfield seemed to lose sight of its passing and played on its heels. Then Sir Alex had the wisdom to make key substitutions in the second half. Old blood out, new blood in. Namely putting Carlos Tevez upfront and on point.

Once he put the ball in the back of the net one seemed to care about Rooney's sluggish (tired really) performance, Ronaldo's laser beam issue, and Olympic Mayonnaise altogether. So bask in the victory (& away tie) - who knows, it may even last a while. Unless of course Kevin Keegan and Newcastle try and stop it. Right.

Come Again, Reds?

La$t week's big story was the FA's announcement that Prem sides will tour internationally beginning in 2010. The rub: these will be real matches that count in the EPL standings. Interesting idea, although not entirely original.

The NFL has staged several real commercial-laden, time out-heavy, instant replay-filled games abroad, depriving sleep to countless looky-loos worldwide. So has Italy, playing the Super Cup in the U.S. — but not for the money. Not Italy.

While not every manager or supporter is pleased, almost every Prem owner is drooling. It's a chance to split a huge payday with the big boys. For instance 'Boro's take would be the same as Chelsea's. That's a problem for Abramovich and the other billionaire owners. Fact is the Top Four have been raking it in oversees for years. In the past they've just played exhibitions with other wealthy world clubs, or local sides like the MLS All Stars, whoever they are.

I've seen United twice on U.S. soil. Both times at Giant Stadium. The first match was exciting. A summer night game with most of United's starters on the pitch. While it wasn't a match at Old Trafford, it was exciting to be surrounded by United supporters from the word over.

The following tour was completely different. United v. Milan. Same venue, same sell-out crowd, two major differences: a day game in 100-degree heat, and two sides posing as starters. It was horrid. United and Milan each took home several million dollars, which they didn't have to split with the likes of Bolton or Fullham. So I can see why the big clubs are pissed.

Regardless of how anyone "feels" about it, it will happen. Because the FA stands to make a small fortune, and smaller clubs get a piece of the action (plus the chance to pick up a few MLS players while they're at it).


Until then, I'll book my flight to Manchester.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A moment isn't too long for people to shut their soup coolers and pay their respects to the 28 lives lost during the Munich air disaster. But apparently it's a lot to ask. A minute for 50 years. 60 seconds to behave like human beings. But then this is the City of Manchester derby. This is the day Manchester is split down the middle. While supporters thousands of miles away watch the match on TV side-by-side at the same pub. There are songs and taunting, but not much more. Victorious supporters even buy beers for the losers after the match. Well sometimes.

In Manchester it's a different story. It's never pleasant, like the Liverpool derby can be, well kind of. It's serious business that divides families, friends, and neighbors. But even during the 1958 season, when the disaster took place, Manchester was truly united. City fans were as distraught as United fans. Everyone was in shock, and the entire city mourned as one (at least that's what I've been told - I'm very young).

Today it's different. Manchester is still a city divided in many ways. But the main difference is that disrespect is an expected and accepted part of the game, whether it's the local derby or a national clash. I just hope the moss side boys remember that some of their own were also lost on that horrific day.

On a more pleasant note, both teams will wear commemorative strip for the match, without corporate sponsorship — just the numbers 1-11. And the South Stand tunnel has been renamed the Munich tunnel to honor those lost.

Shove Arsenal Out

Push just came to shove at the top of the Prem today. Unbelievably, United has actually drawn Arsenal in the fifth round of the FA cup.

First you cry. Then there's anger. Finally there's acceptance. Really all I want is a great game (5-nil United). But as the gladiators prepare for battle there's just one problem: they won't face off in the final. And isn't that what we really want? Not Southampton. Not Millwall. Just Arsenal.

Last year's final was exciting, sad, and tragic. Exciting because United faced Chelsea. Sad because they lost. And tragic because I was forced to watch it in the overstuffed-pirogi-like-comfort of the Ukrainian Sports Club (Nevada Smiths was sold out and the UKS took in us dregs).

February 16 can't come soon enough. By then one of the teams will have endured a tie, maybe even a loss. But the dream of a double or treble could be a reality for one of them. I'm just hoping it's the right red team.

The Good Old Days of Jose

It’s turning out to be another nail-nibbler at the top of the Prem. It reminds me of last year. But this year it’s Arsenal’s turn to annoy me.

It’s hard to muster hatred for Arsenal post Moreen-ho Chelsea. That was a rivalry of the ages. As is turns out Arsene isn’t as bad as I once thought. OK he has total ass-face. He’s arrogant. But he’s not hateful. He just….. French.

Jose on the other hand was the Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Colby of the sporting world. I’ve never seen a total bitch manage football — and so well. He was endlessly entertaining, and I bet he’ll be back in the Prem before managing in Europe.

I think it’s because his brand of bitchery isn’t that uncommon in Italy, Spain, or France. You can get it from any waiter. Jose craves press, and he got plenty of it in the U.K. It was so Britney.

But I digress. This is supposed to be a football blog and I’m getting all Perez Hilton on your ass. But then again if you’re reading this blog you’re completely alone. I seem to be the only visitor.

OK, football. Reading’s defense was surprisingly tight on Saturday. But with Rooney & Ronaldo on their game there’s no stopping United. It could all come down to the Arsenal clash in April.

I know I’ll be faithfully reading this blog to keep informed.

Got a permit, Ronny?

He’ll need one for that leg of his. Seriously, it’s a deadly weapon, with more ammo and better accuracy as each match passes.

20 in 17. Ouch.

That’s how many bullets Ronaldo has shot though the heart of the competition in his last 17 appearances. Twenty goals is considered an excellent season for most EPL wingers. Thing is it’s the middle of the season — in England and Europe. Oh. Did I forget to mention he’s tied for top scoring honors in the Champion's League as well?

But enough about “The Gifted One”, let’s talk about reading Reading. They started the season stealing a point at Old Trafford. Or did United drop 2?

Anyway that’s last year’s news. How fortunes have changed for both sides since then. Steve Coppell has forgotten about Europe and is now focused on keeping his side in the top half of the Prem. They’ll need to try harder this weekend. Because Sir Alex is eyeing another, dare I say, treble. I know it’s early, but it just rolls off the tongue so effortlessly.

With Reading’s iffy defense and many a United striker/midfielder waiting to pull a pacifier from their, uh, kit, it could be a long afternoon at the Madejski. In fact it could be time for another hat trick.

How 'bout it, Rio?

Speak up Reds! What are your predictions, comments, complaints? Leave 'em here.

Voices Carry

Seems Sir Alex's voice wasn't the loudest one last week when he compared the Theater of Dreams to a "police state" and a "funeral." It's amazing how 6 goals can change the supporter's tune (and volume). Now the Reds are top of the Prem (where they belong) and in quality form. Then there's the other United, Newcastle.

To think, it could have been worse.

When Rio Ferdinand is scoring against you, you have big defensive problems. In fact there were several calls that could have gone United's way (you don't hear that often at Old Trafford). But truly, Newcastle was lucky to leave the grounds in one piece.

As for the true United, they're only getting stronger. But then they'll have to continually improve with the upcoming fixtures: Reading, Spurs, Porstsmouth, and City. They could end up playing either Spurs or Reading twice. If they triumph, the league could be theirs.

Pay attention, Arsenal!