Barcaloney

Tevez's diving header sets table for tasty semi


How good are United? Good enough to beat Roma 3-0 on aggregate — with their second team. To be fair they didn't lineup their reserves, but they did field a very conservative, defensive side. Even so, Tevez’s 70th-minute strike confirmed their place in the last four where they will face Frank Rijkaard's Spanish dancers.

Warming the bench were Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo and Paul Scholes. That's a pricey seat, but we'll need the lads healthy and angry to properly demolish Arsenal this Sunday.

Giggsy got his 100th Champions League cap, while Rio limped off after preventing an area disaster, 3 stitches to the foot his reward.

The other semi sees our old friends Chelsea squaring off against the Scousers. Pa-leeeese. If this turns into another Ambien moment we'll know who to blame: Jose Mourinho - for not being there!

The dream: United/Liverpool. The nightmare: the Champions League folds because the Chelsea/Liverpool match gives off brain-numbing gamma rays that eventually destroy the earth.

But United still wins Europe.

Arrivederci, fashionistas!

United kicked fascist ass in Rome this week. They headed mid-boot to pillage and conquer, and did so without breaking a sweat. First came a brilliant header from Ronaldo in the 39th, then a "look Ma, no defense" by Rooney in the 66th.

Semis anyone?
Roma may be the only team in Europe that cringes at the sight of Sir Alex Ferguson's men debarking a bus. They're just too familiar with one another. And they both know United has Roma's number. Sure the loss of Nemanja Vidić to a first-half knee injury hurts. But no more then a Francesco Totti-less Ultra side. But even with his replacement Mirko Vučinić working hard to fill the gap, they came up short. And this time without bloodshed.

The 2-0 win at the Stadio Olimpico made a big time statement to all comers, which is: We are ranked #1 in the world for three reasons:
#1: Ronaldo
#2: We will beat you at your own game
#3: Ronaldo

Given the family feud between these two sides, only a fool would bet against United securing a semi-final berth when the teams meet again next Wednesday at OT. But don't count out the Italian football spell.

The Serie-Assly slow Italian game.
I know Italians can play ball. After all, they're world champions. But I just can't bring myself to sitting through an entire Serie A match. It moves like molasses (until one side's defense crumbles, or someone faints) and there's no crowd in sight (or earshot). Only riot police and reports of pre and post-match hooliganism. Don't forget United supporters are all sober, well-behaved gentlemen & ladies.

Now I know why Zizou head butted his way out of the world cup. The Italians bored him into abject violence. I was actually surprised the entire Italian side didn't fall down in pain when it happened. Qualunque!

Fashion tip: In - United red. Out - riot gear (it's so last year).